I AM FOR PEACE…THEY ARE FOR WAR

Posted on March 31, 2025April 1, 2025

I Am for Peace, But They Are for War: Understanding Control and Relational Struggles

This is part of www.ministryaiandi.com. “Part 1 Avoid Controllers ” March 31, 2025

Psalm 120:7 says, “I am for peace: but when I speak, they are for war.” This verse captures the emotional pain and confusion that often arises when a person seeks peace, reconciliation, and genuine understanding, but is met with resistance, hostility, or manipulation. For those who live with integrity, desiring respectful dialogue and sincere relationships, encountering individuals who respond with control or aggression can be deeply disheartening.

Isaiah 1:18 — A Call for Reasoning

Isaiah 1:18 states, “Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.” This is a divine invitation to open dialogue, genuine reflection, and reconciliation. It is God’s way of modeling how relationships can be restored when both parties approach with humility and a willingness to listen. However, not everyone responds in this spirit.

Ephesians 4:32 — The Call to Kindness and Forgiveness

Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” This verse exemplifies the spirit of grace and compassion that believers are called to embody. True kindness involves understanding, empathy, and the willingness to forgive rather than harbor resentment. It stands in stark contrast to the manipulative behaviors often seen in power-driven relationships.

When someone is committed to controlling others, kindness and tenderheartedness are often viewed as weaknesses to exploit. Rather than seeking mutual understanding, they may manipulate circumstances to maintain dominance. Genuine forgiveness, however, is not a submission to manipulation. It is a conscious choice to release bitterness while maintaining healthy boundaries.

The Nature of Controlling Relationships

When a person seeks peace, kindness, and reconciliation, they may find themselves entangled with individuals who operate through control, manipulation, or emotional dominance. This dynamic often stems from unresolved insecurities or a deep need for power. Control manifests in numerous ways:

Silent Treatment and Withholding: Refusing to engage or express affection as a form of punishment.
Power Plays: Creating a dynamic where the other person is forced to yield in order to restore peace.
Emotional Manipulation: Using guilt, shame, or blame to manipulate behaviors.
Cutting Off and Distancing: Abandoning the relationship without reasonable dialogue.

The Avoidance of Biblical Conflict Resolution

These individuals often avoid following biblical principles of reconciliation. Galatians 6:1 states, “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.” Similarly, Matthew 18:15 instructs believers to “go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone.” However, manipulative individuals frequently bypass these principles.

Instead of seeking resolution, they prefer indirect control through avoidance, gossip, or attempts to damage reputations. Their unwillingness to engage in one-on-one conversation reveals a deeper desire to maintain power rather than pursue peace.

The Spirit of Control and Self-Pity

Often, manipulative behavior is rooted in unresolved self-pity and fear. Rather than acknowledging their own shortcomings, these individuals project blame onto others. They thrive on keeping others emotionally tethered through confusion and guilt. The constant need to win at any cost stems from a fear of vulnerability and a refusal to engage in honest reflection.

Their avoidance of confrontation ensures they are never held accountable. Unlike those who operate in humility and truth, they manipulate others through calculated silence, passive-aggressive behavior, and the withholding of affection. Whether in family, business, or personal relationships, this behavior is destructive and deeply unkind.

Recognizing the Spirit of Control

It is crucial to discern when a person is operating from a spirit of control rather than seeking authentic resolution. Jesus modeled a life of truth, grace, and peacemaking, but He did not yield to manipulative demands. Instead, He maintained boundaries and chose the path of obedience to God.

Galatians 5:1 reminds us, “Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.” True freedom in Christ means living without the oppressive weight of someone else’s manipulative control.

Responding with Wisdom and Boundaries

Stay Rooted in Peace: Romans 12:18 says, “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” Continue to model peace, but accept that some may reject it.
Establish Boundaries: Proverbs 4:23 urges, “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Boundaries protect your heart and mind from emotional manipulation.
Refuse to Engage in Power Struggles: Like Jesus before Pilate (John 19:9-11), sometimes the most powerful response is remaining silent and not giving control over your emotions.
Seek Support and Wise Counsel: Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 emphasizes the importance of supportive relationships. Find godly counsel and accountability to maintain strength.
Pray for Healing: Pray for those who operate through control. Matthew 5:44 reminds us to “love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.”

Conclusion

While you may encounter people who are “for war” despite your peaceful intentions, remember that your worth and identity are not defined by their actions. Continue to pursue peace, uphold boundaries, and trust God to bring healing and justice in His timing. The call to reason together remains, but not all will accept it. In those moments, rest in the knowledge that God sees your heart and honors your pursuit of reconciliation.